This Girl poppin out like a daisy :)

         So I am laying in bed, as my house sitting buddy is asleep ( that is Kristen hurst, I might add) and all I can think about is how I need change. Not crazy drastic move to New York change, or the crazy ex girl friend chop off all your hair change, but the healthy change of things and people and thoughts that aren't good for me. 

       It's been on me for a while to do this and yet it's so hard. It is sooo incredibly easy to get comfortable and rationalize where things are going. Like, I can't think about Lakeland, Tampa, or Orlando every chance I get. I have to settle down here. I have to let go of the comfortable, safety of my college life and embrace my adult life here. If I don't, I will never truly let this become home again. 

     Also, I have to let go of the relationships in my life that aren't healthy for me. I can't dwell and try to make things work when they aren't meant too.

       And last but not least, I can't forget I am here for a reason. I may be workin a part time job, but it is the only job I have had that I feel like its home. I am meant for a library. I love those books. I love those people. And I never want to lose that. I want to be life there. I want to be hope. And joy. 

       So this is my New Years resolution. Not that I am going to stop going to Tampa/ orlando/ lakeland because I can't. But, that I will remember, that is not my home anymore. Also, that people who bring me down and keep me the same person, they are gone. And last but not least...I will grow where I am planted. 

The not so pretty part.

                 I'm sitting on the front porch right now, covered in skeeters the size of a football player, because a humongous chocolate lab asked me to. Well, that is what I interpreted amongst her howling, barking, and throwing herself at our front door. It quit once I allowed her to crawl into my lap and take a nap. She's 5 years old. Definitely the size of a whale. 

(Maybe my sizing is off, obviously). And as I'm squeezed between her body and the door, all I can think about is this is the most peace I seem to have gotten all day. 

        Now for the most part, I love my

Job. It's perfect for me. I enjoy my

Patrons, I'm finally finding the post grad Sam land, and I'm finding a soothing routine in my life. Today was not that day. It seemed like one thing after another seemed to fall

Apart. 

           I woke up late. This is my normal life, I never let that bother me but today was my 4th day of not Washing my hair and there is only so much you do to your hair with dry shampoo. 

            Second, I taught my Internet class and it was so much harder than I imagined. I had this grand idea that it would be a piece of cake and would fly through. It didn't. They had so many questions that I didn't know. I found out, the hard way, that it is so much harder to teach a basic Internet/computer class. The steps that you don't think about are the steps that have to be repeated over and over again. 

      Third, I have been snippy with everyone. Which is crazy, cause normally, I am calm and collected. I jumped at someone because of snapchat! literally, that is ridicilous. everything they said was true, and yet I felt mortally offended. pssshhhh This trick can take a lot. Or, so I like to believe and yet everything seemed crazy today. 

         Yet even as so write this, I know I am beyond blessed. I have a huge lovable creature in my lap. I had wonderful men and women in my class that were patient and kind and so incredibly gracious. Even better, I had one of the best dates in the world for lunch. A cutie that kept trying to steal my french fries :) Also what can top my wonderful day yesterday? It's all part of that roller coaster, I'm tellin ya! Bring it on. 

Meet my handsome date ;). 

Also, these are for sale for 4 dollars :) get on em!

A tad but cliche, a touch of sappy, and ringing with truth.

      Well today was an amazing day that can only be summed up in one word.

Hope

A good friend of mine called to talk

About the book she was writing and together we just got excited. Which if you only  know me a bit, you know what it looks like... fast talking, jumping up and down, crazy motions with my hands, and a lot of squealing. It took me back to the days when you went to the camp and you decide to do something radical? Anyone had the experience? Start a band (yes, my band was called FYD follow your dreams and I was going to play the drum, and no I have no rhythm or know anything about drums or bands or anything in the genre for that matter. Obviously, this didn't last long) write a book? Or even... change the world?

It's like that unexplained high that is intoxicating and almost overwhelming. 

It's one of the most beautiful experiences in the world..

It's the evidence of extreme hope.

 I think that we, so often, ride that high and get excited and yet we never do anything once this huge roller coaster hits a low point. We forget that the ride isn't over... We have a lot left to do once the extreme emotion wears off.Or even worse, we chalk that idea up to young childish dreams that are petty and out of reach. 

     Hopefully this won't happen to me.. Or to my friend.. Or even more importantly to you. Don't forget that whatever it is... The ride isn't over and though it may seem entirely silly..it's worth it. To risk sounding terribly cliche, I will leave out the quotes about the people who change

The world don't stay in the norm or how you had to break the mold and yada yada yada... But know this.. You won't feel fulfilled till you actually see it through. Till you fight it out and dig through the grit and sweat to find the beauty.   

On a lighter note...my good friend is selling bracelets (which I will have) if you would like to purchase one...there is no cancer, or traumatic event; just the coaster and she is riding it through the blood, sweat, and tears that anything worth obtaining requires. So message me if you would like one? Or are interested in purchasing one.  

Also, on a lighter note... This is nana. :)