Day of life.

Today was a day of celebration. Sometimes the hardest part of

Celebration is learning that it isn't always good. We celebrate change even though we don't always like it. I've come to know that as New Years or your birthday. :) like when you are scared to death of turning 25but especially, when someone is called home.

      I learned today that it is always okay to host a garden party. You will forever be remembered for being the lovely host with the ridiculous, but necessary, hats and beautiful tea cups. That no one will remember that you didn't have enough creamer for the coffee but that your cream puffs were to die for and the company wasn't bad either. 

     On that note,  to always drive 90 miles an hr because those make the best stories and to live that metaphorically in life. We should always be ready to hang on by the seat of our pants and enjoy the ride. Whether it be to Georgia to go peach picking or Tampa to get fruits and veggies at the best farmers market around. 

     I learned also that colors are good for you and to be a sunflower among the weeds.  My life and my clothes should reflect that, my words and my actions should shine. I learned that my talk better be backed up with my walk because, lord knows, I ain't trying to have awful stories said about me. 

     But most of all, I learned to be transparent. Sitting in the church listening to countless people give their testimony on how Mrs. Janice had touched these people's hearts young and old, she never held

Back. Over and over, people Commented on how you never had to guess what she was thinking. It was right there for you. No matter what she went through, or the trials that she faced in her journey she never let it bring her down. She sat up, dusted herself off, and kept on truckin. 

         So today, we celebrated life. Life to its fullest. Skirtin into those pearly gates  by the seat of her pants and letting a good holler escape before making it into Gloryland. My word.. What a great image. 

Graceful rodeos.

             Last night was probably one of those times in every persons life that is horrifying. Wrecking their car. Obviously for me, 1. I have done this many times;  one when I was 16 and I backed into someone's truck... The time when I wasn't thinking and hit the gas as I was putting makeup on and I hit an old ladies car,

 That other time in college when I was so tired that I gently nudged some woman's car, another time in college when I busted some mans tail light... 

     Those are only the ones I can think of and I don't even want to think of the times I have been stopped by an actual cop but that is besides the point. It's likely to say, this wasn't my first rodeo.                And

Yet it was, because for the first time it wasn't my car, nor was I the one driving it. 

It was Caleb. 

       Which in turn made it that much scarier and I am pretty sure at one point I just about  had a heart attack. We were stopping to get food on our way home and he overcompensated in the parking spot. Thus, scratching an older man's dodge ram 2009. To be exact. 

   Now in my learnin to drive stages, I had a few fender benders; 1st paragraph to name a few, and I understand the gravity of this situation... But that being said, I always had someone to be the adult and tell me how to handle these crisis. Last night, I became the adult. I never had to deal with a cop, or an irate man, or a hundred million gawkers. For some unknown reason ( I think it's because I have a southern accent and I cried) I was let off with a stern talking to, or a sympathy pat, or once with a thumbs up because there was no scratch. Poor Caleb got it all. The man was yelling... The cops got called and amounts of cash were being thrown out like we were at an auction. It was not pleasant

     He handled it like an adult. So much better than I would have at 17. I realized then how much he has grown up.           

So much better than I would have at 17. I realized then how much he has grown up. He's not my kid anymore. 

     The day before that as I was grumbling about some petty thing that he did and talking about how he would never survived in college, I realized I was wrong. He would. He would excel and succeed. Not because now he learned how to actually park that huge truck.. Or that he got publicly humiliated in the town of Mayo.. It was because he learned to handle a problem with grace. Not even many adults can say they can do that. 

         

        .

        

Confessions of an insecure 23 year old :)

           Well, VBS is over, I taught another class yesterday, I had a best friends birthday, and I was reminded that demons come in the form of small chihuahua named Margo. :) The birthday was wonderful, celebrating in our true style: movies, junk food, scandalous gossip, and everything that friends from the 3rd grade do together. Unfortunately, to top our amazing birthday, we had to watch the devil's mistress-Margo. Which if you could only imagine, hiding on the porch, biting, and me being chased with a broom ;). Classy. Yet, through these adventures I came into a realization of a few things.

         First, I still get uncontrollably nervous during every workshop, but its getting better. I realized why.  It's not that my students are all that different. I have the teacher (normally the mr Feeney's or the mrs. Frizzles), I have the crass but lovable older men and women who curse with big grins on their faces, and the sweet grandmas and grandpas who are there because their grand babies bought them their dang blasted computers or tablets for some event or another. Or that my classes are different. Computer, Internet, Facebook/twitter, and the newly blogging class. But, it's my attitude.  My first class was consumed with my nerves and jitters. Dealing with those, only made my outlook on the class negative. With that negative outlook, my other classes seemed to hold on to that until I did VBS. Being an Oikos leader taught me a few things about myself. It's not about me.

           Seeing my kids, and watching them interact, watching them love each other made me learn so much. It made me realize I wasn't there for me, I was there for them. Then again, it made me realize, my life isn't about me. And so, teaching my 4 students, all at least 30 years older than me, I put my eyes on them. I put their needs over my insecurities.

             And you know what? I enjoyed them. I found out, not sure if I know good or not, that one lady knew my dad. ( they went to church together, which made me question every moment of before hand and to make sure my legs were crossed and tug at my shirt more often than not)   Another man, lived in Lakeland and used to eat on Fridays at a little cafe over by my old apartment. 

          So above all, my day turned out an unexpected surprise. I didn't even want to leave after my time was up. I gave out my number to these people and laughed when they asked me if I would teach a class on texting next. 

This Girl poppin out like a daisy :)

         So I am laying in bed, as my house sitting buddy is asleep ( that is Kristen hurst, I might add) and all I can think about is how I need change. Not crazy drastic move to New York change, or the crazy ex girl friend chop off all your hair change, but the healthy change of things and people and thoughts that aren't good for me. 

       It's been on me for a while to do this and yet it's so hard. It is sooo incredibly easy to get comfortable and rationalize where things are going. Like, I can't think about Lakeland, Tampa, or Orlando every chance I get. I have to settle down here. I have to let go of the comfortable, safety of my college life and embrace my adult life here. If I don't, I will never truly let this become home again. 

     Also, I have to let go of the relationships in my life that aren't healthy for me. I can't dwell and try to make things work when they aren't meant too.

       And last but not least, I can't forget I am here for a reason. I may be workin a part time job, but it is the only job I have had that I feel like its home. I am meant for a library. I love those books. I love those people. And I never want to lose that. I want to be life there. I want to be hope. And joy. 

       So this is my New Years resolution. Not that I am going to stop going to Tampa/ orlando/ lakeland because I can't. But, that I will remember, that is not my home anymore. Also, that people who bring me down and keep me the same person, they are gone. And last but not least...I will grow where I am planted. 

The not so pretty part.

                 I'm sitting on the front porch right now, covered in skeeters the size of a football player, because a humongous chocolate lab asked me to. Well, that is what I interpreted amongst her howling, barking, and throwing herself at our front door. It quit once I allowed her to crawl into my lap and take a nap. She's 5 years old. Definitely the size of a whale. 

(Maybe my sizing is off, obviously). And as I'm squeezed between her body and the door, all I can think about is this is the most peace I seem to have gotten all day. 

        Now for the most part, I love my

Job. It's perfect for me. I enjoy my

Patrons, I'm finally finding the post grad Sam land, and I'm finding a soothing routine in my life. Today was not that day. It seemed like one thing after another seemed to fall

Apart. 

           I woke up late. This is my normal life, I never let that bother me but today was my 4th day of not Washing my hair and there is only so much you do to your hair with dry shampoo. 

            Second, I taught my Internet class and it was so much harder than I imagined. I had this grand idea that it would be a piece of cake and would fly through. It didn't. They had so many questions that I didn't know. I found out, the hard way, that it is so much harder to teach a basic Internet/computer class. The steps that you don't think about are the steps that have to be repeated over and over again. 

      Third, I have been snippy with everyone. Which is crazy, cause normally, I am calm and collected. I jumped at someone because of snapchat! literally, that is ridicilous. everything they said was true, and yet I felt mortally offended. pssshhhh This trick can take a lot. Or, so I like to believe and yet everything seemed crazy today. 

         Yet even as so write this, I know I am beyond blessed. I have a huge lovable creature in my lap. I had wonderful men and women in my class that were patient and kind and so incredibly gracious. Even better, I had one of the best dates in the world for lunch. A cutie that kept trying to steal my french fries :) Also what can top my wonderful day yesterday? It's all part of that roller coaster, I'm tellin ya! Bring it on. 

Meet my handsome date ;). 

Also, these are for sale for 4 dollars :) get on em!

A tad but cliche, a touch of sappy, and ringing with truth.

      Well today was an amazing day that can only be summed up in one word.

Hope

A good friend of mine called to talk

About the book she was writing and together we just got excited. Which if you only  know me a bit, you know what it looks like... fast talking, jumping up and down, crazy motions with my hands, and a lot of squealing. It took me back to the days when you went to the camp and you decide to do something radical? Anyone had the experience? Start a band (yes, my band was called FYD follow your dreams and I was going to play the drum, and no I have no rhythm or know anything about drums or bands or anything in the genre for that matter. Obviously, this didn't last long) write a book? Or even... change the world?

It's like that unexplained high that is intoxicating and almost overwhelming. 

It's one of the most beautiful experiences in the world..

It's the evidence of extreme hope.

 I think that we, so often, ride that high and get excited and yet we never do anything once this huge roller coaster hits a low point. We forget that the ride isn't over... We have a lot left to do once the extreme emotion wears off.Or even worse, we chalk that idea up to young childish dreams that are petty and out of reach. 

     Hopefully this won't happen to me.. Or to my friend.. Or even more importantly to you. Don't forget that whatever it is... The ride isn't over and though it may seem entirely silly..it's worth it. To risk sounding terribly cliche, I will leave out the quotes about the people who change

The world don't stay in the norm or how you had to break the mold and yada yada yada... But know this.. You won't feel fulfilled till you actually see it through. Till you fight it out and dig through the grit and sweat to find the beauty.   

On a lighter note...my good friend is selling bracelets (which I will have) if you would like to purchase one...there is no cancer, or traumatic event; just the coaster and she is riding it through the blood, sweat, and tears that anything worth obtaining requires. So message me if you would like one? Or are interested in purchasing one.  

Also, on a lighter note... This is nana. :) 

Spritual Animals, JFK, and the betrayal of Publix mac and cheese.

    
                     So before I tell you about my weekend, Let me just tell you what was supposed to happen this weekend. Friday; I would get off work at 12:30, book it to Tampa  and spend a classy fun night out together with my friend from College.  This would include our normal shopping and cheesecake adventure, followed with good friends and good drinks.  Saturday we would recharge and I would hastily make my way to Lakeland  for some amazing Lasagna, and Bridesmaids, and Kristen Harris ( another friend from college). Then on Sunday, I would roll  out for Tampa, yet again,watch the Game of Thrones, and race back to Mayo on Monday with an afternoon of actual breathing. 
                                             this did not happen.
                                 Welcome to my life.
      So, my weekend started out this way, until my eye decided to become a diva in the hysterics department.  At first it was this offhand irritation, then by the end of the night my eye turned into this gross ogre looking Pink Eye Special. Obviously, if you know me, I didn’t bring back up (extra contacts). If you know me well enough, you know  I don't own back up. So, in two cups of water, I drown my contacts, and face the world blindly. Literally. It was awful. I could not see anything.Everything from a foot back were these odd blurry shapes. I also don't know about you, but with the inability to see, comes the insecurity of life. Literally could not become blind. I would become useless. Which is what I became until some very unlikely people showed up and made my weekend just a bit brighter ( figuratively, my eye could not handle direct sunlight).
         So Saturday morning we booked it to Wal Mart to find some Ben Stien magic, and some actual contact solution and contact case. Throughout the day I would lay on my back while poor Katie ( the original friend from college because I could not leave to see the other said friend from college) would pour in the eye juice. After about 5 mins it would look like it was getting better and then go back to an awful, gross, zombie state. Thus, cancelling my plans for Saturday night in Lakeland. 6:30 rolled around and as Katie was putting her work clothes on, I was hittin the play button for the 7th episode of Game of Thrones. In my head I pictured a boring night watching a show that I couldnt exactly see, and yet low and behold the Calvary showed up in the form of a Jewish/Catholic Zooey Deschanel. Meet Marie. Or some commonly called Brittany or Kim.
           Now fast forward about an 3 hrs, past the publix run, catching up to Game of Thrones,chocolate milk,  and the most awful fake mac and cheese ever. Here you have two really bored, and one blind girls who both seem to love the show New Girl. What happens?
                                  True American
                                                        123-JFK-FDR
This consists of a makeshift candyland, the game Lava (the one where you jump from chairs to cushions and cant touch the ground) and your history/pop history. SO MUCH FUN.
   
  Yes that is an apron. Yes, I took this picture. No judgement. By Sunday, My eye had not gotten better and I was becoming extremely concerned. At this point I am a girl without much money or ways to get to a doctor or even anything, so we do  the second best option we have. we head to Walgreens. Sunglasses on, me clutching on to Katie to not run into the isles, I tell my sob story to the pharmacist since it said free consultation.
                   "Oh yea, there is nothing you can do except wait it out, just be sure not to get the Ben Stien stuff cause it makes it worse.
                        Yes.. You can put your contacts in to drive, that would be dangerous if not. "
Obviously, Ben Stein lied to us.
               That night, after buying the good kind of eye drops, and catching up on some much needed sleep)  We were in for our last KiKi (thats Party in the slang gotta, love what you learn) and all of my new found friends came and we talked like the philosophical intellects that we are. Meaning, I handed out peoples spiritual and physical animals while we talked about the randomosity of life. So my weekend didnt exactly end up like I had planned, but sometimes Life is like that. With all the cliches and glitches it still ends up an adventure. I made it back home after having lunch with another friend from college and an almost cleared up eye with contacts in.






P.S. Moral of this story is to go to the consultant first and don’t pretend you know everything. Sweeeettt girl you don’t. Also, Publix doesn’t make everything good ex. Mac and Cheese