15 things you didn't know about me....

                  Oh my life hasn't really been that amazing... ehhhh you know, after spring break, who could top that? So, this is supposed to be about my life and the crazy/hilarious things that happen to me, and since there hasn't exactly been anything that has been amazing, I decided to do the overused cliche thing that allll people do at one point in their life and post 15 random and maybe insightful things about me.

1. I absolutely love to watch any T.V. show or award show and gossip incessantly about it like a little girl. 

  Yes this is my life... especially The Voice, it is like one of my favorite things to do actually. I totally become this irritating 9th grade girl who giggles and talks about the most superficial trashy stuff like what Christina was wearing or how how Adam looks in his cardie ;). I snarkily judge who is the better singer or who wore what dress better. don't judge me, it's cathartic for me. 

2. I can't exactly paint my nails. 

yeaaaaa.... It's my lot in life. I end up painting my whole fingers and toes, lt's pathetic I know, poor Francie and Megan end up doing it for me all the time. I have to beg and plead and make them feel bad for not helping a coloring challenged kid. P.S. I also can't braid my hair!

3. My name is Samantha Land and I hate Grammar. 

Why yes, I am an English major... Yes, I have taken the worst Advanced Grammar class ever, and passed. I hate it.(No judgement on Professor Hill's part, I loved the teacher-hated the class) I hate having to follow rules, Obviously, if you have seen my wardrobe you would understand that. I never match. I never use Grammar correctly. I write the way I speak.... if I pause there will be a comma, if I make this huge run on sentence because I am nervous or really excited, if there is a million and one dot dot dots... it's because I feel it. Welcome to my rebellion.

4. My love language is food. 

I love to cook. I love to eat. I love to feed people. Hungry? Get at me.

5. One thing I am proud of is my cookies. 

They are the best. unless you are allergic to peanut butter... then they aren't.. because you will probably die.

6. I am extremely awkward sometimes. Ok, all the time. 

         Sometimes I can conceal it and act normal and I know most people believe they are awkward but, I really am. Like if I feel like I am in an awkward situation such as, I don't know what to say or you just tell me something really sad? Ooooh you better believe I am no help. The good news is for the first problem I can usually just talk through it. Bahahahahhaha it's my life, once  my roommate Sunnee came into our dorm crying and for some reason I thought she was laughing and I was like "Bahahahhahahahaha Sunnee that's the worst laugh ever... your face looks horrible." Ehhhh not my best moment. 

7. I am scared of whales...and snakes...

I firmly believe that it is because my older brother Henry made me watch Orca instead of Free Willy. (For those of you who don't know Orca is like the Whale version of Jaws.) I am just saying, If it was between a Whale and a Shark? I will gladly throw myself into the Shark tank and get eaten. There is no rationality to this. 

8. I hate being picked on about my accent but I totally love to use it when I know it can get me out of trouble. 

Yes, that is a double standard. a little bit of hypocrisy, and yet I might as well right? People take me for being ditsy and cute in which I can get away with just about anything. It is pretty hilarious actually. I can say whatever I want to certain people without them catching the sarcasm or taking a second look at what I am saying. They smile and call me cute :D they gush about my accent. :D I really am not a bad person, I use my power for good I promise ;) I only use it when they make fun of my accent first. 

9. I want to write a book. 

I want to write a book about my life in Mayo Fl. I want to write a story about my family. I want to write about my crazy adventures, my amazing grandmother, random peoples stories I meet, People I have never met, people I will one day meet. Places I will one day go or imaginary places worthy of Jk Rowling and Tamora Pierce. 

10. I seriously contemplate that I am adopted.

I have 4 brothers and sisters and I look nothing like them. They are short, tan, and absolutely beautiful. I am tall, white, and Cute. Well, maybe not tall but taller than them! Also, I don't act like anyone in my family.That is kind of sad.

11. I am addicted to Word Bubbles.

yes.. It is true.. and it is pathetic. I feel soooo smart when I make it past 2000 points. :D

12. I am vindictive...

I don't know why.. but I will get even. It isn't a pretty trait, not one I am proud of, well sometimes, and it seems to get a little crazy. Once when Francie, Nick, and Megan watched 3 episodes of Lost without me, (just so you know we were supposed to be watching them together)I got incredibly angry  and watched 8 episodes without them. If a war is started you better believe I will finish it. 

13. I believe in spontaneity 

I got my first tattoo because Beth Telg was going to get hers and we all went to watch. Countless classes have been skipped and memories have been made because of the spontaneous adventure. It is also one of my catharsis's... the thought of an adventure makes me so excited!

14. I don't trust men with a southern accent.

it is used for evil. 

15. I wish I had brown eyes.

Solely for the purpose of someone singing brown eyed girl by Van Morrison. I have always wanted that. always. Instead I got eyes the color of rocks, that's what my kids used to say to me when i worked at the daycare. 

Welcome to my life. 

the Steel through the Fire.

           So I can't promise I will have much humor in this, I can't promise that this also won't become some irrational throw up on a blog that I usually hate reading. You know the ones that you are like ehhhhhh poor  girl, get a hobby and get off your blog? bahaha or the 14 year old girls who talk about how awful their life is when they have to go to school where their crush now knows that they have written his last name everywhere???
    Well my life has been an extreme downhill run this past week, just when I felt some kind of normalcy. From my computer charger being stolen, to all my teachers assigning some huge assignment, to every part of my car breaking, my life has been a mess. it is kind of ironic how fast your emotions can jump, last week was amazing my spring break was absolutely incredible, and yet between my roller coaster of life I seemed to keep my calm until today. Today was it for me, it just happened, something snapped and the worst possible thing happened.

Huge Meltdown!

    Oh it happened alright... if you can picture hysterical sobs, whole body shaking, nose running, and accidentally almost loosing a contact. In the middle of this please picture me in my car with all of southeastern's extremely put together and emotionless robots walking by staring or trying hastily to pull out their iphones. notmyshingingmomenttosaytheleast........

                  But with this craziness in my life, these ups and downs, highs and lows..whatever irritating cliche I can come up with I have been able to see the good in people. The good as in, the people who actually care, who actually do more than just pat me on the back and walk awkwardly away...(Believe me I am the queen of that because I am so awkward at depressing times anyway) but the people who actually call Starbucks 3 times to make sure the barista checked and rechecked that my charger wasn't there... the teacher who graciously allowed me to do my presentation at a later date without the horrible questioning of is this really just you trying to get out of it??? the ones who brought the books to you and let you keep them all day so you didn't have to run around campus all day. the ones who made you laugh and cook you dinner... the ones who listen to you cry and pathetically whine and still nod at the appropriate times... the one who calls to make sure you are okay and the one who makes the trip over to make your life better.... 

      So my life hasn't been great, and I have complained and ranted and raved and thrown fits and cried.... but sometimes you have to get all of that out to finally see the silver linings... to see the people who are rooting for you and helping you along your journey through this crazy life. It makes me completely humbled and grateful for those people, and for the few who actually made it to the end of this blog. It wasn't hilarious, it wasn't inspiring, it wasn't even anything completely new but it was something that after wading through all of that CRAP that happened to me this week, has come to me.  kinda like the steel through the fire. 

The End Is Near.

              So in a world where there is reality T.V. on every channel, where nut cases are a dime a dozen: ie Swamp People, Ax Men,  The Bachelor, and 16 and Pregnant, you have one show that seems to really focus on the Crazies. A show that plays on the fears of people who watched too much 2012, Left Behind, and SYFY or for some of these High Class people, they never even seen a T.V.
                Yesterday, During my chill/cleaning day, I went through my parents DVR passing the hunting shows, the TLC shows, and Adventure Time I came across the winner of them all- Doomsday Preppers. Oh Imagine my surprise. Now it surpassed my wildest expectations, it had layers upon layers of crazy mixed with the obsessed with a hint of redneck. Let me sum this tragic, yet wildly entertaining show up for you. These people go around interviewing the different Hoarders/Preppers/ prophetic people who believe wholeheartedly in what they are preparing for. The Apocalypse.
               Now the debate is not exactly when (Because obviously it's going to happen between now and the harrowing 2012) but it is How. Yes I know... How many ways can we die? A. Some believe there will be an economic collapse in which the streets will be corroded with evil police and raiders coming to steal, kill, and destroy. Those are the fans of the Kirk Cameron's Left Behind Series. B. Others yet believe that some catastrophic natural disaster will wipe the U.S. out and cause the A to happen all over again, and yet still others believe that C. A solar flare will cause all of the electricity to forever die and once again... A will happen. Basically A is inevitable.
              Some of these people are definitely Redneck and yet some are average people that you would never  guess to be this fanatic. One family is from Jacksonville and own their own restaurant and live in Surburbia Heaven. They own over 50,000 pounds of food-that my friends is an elephant. They have an elephant of food in their 4 bedroom home. Another man is selling Condo's built in a missile storage for over 1 million dollars, He is also a real estate agent in Kansas.While another family has built 21 century fortress out of steel cars from the railroad. This is also the man who has taught his livestock to "bug out". A woman has completely sterilized her whole home for the next big "Pandemic" and last but not least the next Crocodile Dundee has taken to the streets to prepare for life in the urban wilderness. Now all of these things are completely extreme, and yet if I am going to be completely honest... I am pretty sure there have been times where I have contemplated the idea of

What if?????

             What if the unthinkable happens and the Crazies where right? I mean isn't that always the way??? In 2012 John Cusak meets Woody Harrelson and doesn't believe his nonsensical jabber about the end? In Left Behind no one listens to the black Preacher who looks kinda like Chris Rock? 

What would I do? 

Would I just take my fate and die like the millions? 

Would I want to take the lot of being the only sane person on the island?

      The good news is  that from what the experts say on "Doomsday Preppers" we have about 6 months to ponder this everlooming disaster. So everyone pack your "bug out" bags and from what doomsday prepper Jason says: Remember to bring Salad Dressing.

The simple things in life.

         Sometimes the most amazing things happen in the most unlikely places. Yes, that was cliche and overused way to many times, yet it fit my day yesterday to a Tee. It's that one moment that completely throws off your day and makes you stop and thank the man upstairs, or like me, laugh and say

"you trying to tell me something?"

       So the day started out like any normal college spring break, woke up, drank some coffee, wrote a blog and played on Facebook. Oh you know.. the usual...It felt like home actually, all us "Youngsters" barely able to stand up without our coffee and by 12 we were ready to take on the world, or maybe just Panama City Beach. From Fish Tacos... to Zach Whits baby... To adorable puppies with a pedophile owner....To the most amazing Jewish man named Crazy Steve.

      First of all, let's backtrack and explain my life, I am a senior with a major in English. For the 99.9 percent of my readers, you all know this :D. Yet, what you probably don't know is that I have about a 30% chance of getting a job, and for the most part when people actually ask what I wanna do, I have no idea what to tell them. I don't exactly have a grin on my face when polite people ask that question and the not so polite "why?"

               I don't have an answer for you, honestly I would love to write.

 I would love to teach.

 I would love to travel. I

 would love to help people get published.

          I would love to go on and get my masters. Once again, the nice people smile awkwardly and say that is a great dream honey. (Honey is the word for idiot in the south... we don't believe in hurting peoples feelings.)  The not so nice people shake their head and tell me to change my major quick or I will work at Starbucks my whole life. 

         So now that you are all caught up from my crazy rant...From our Crazy adventures in PCB we ended up in a high class Prep Boating store because these redneck backhilled Port St. Joe boys needed another Guy Harvey shirt. So of course, Francie, Jessie and I (being the only girls) take a tour through the store, wandering, laughing oh you know the cool stuff. In the middle of our wanderings we run into this old man who was the manager of the store. First he asked the normal questions with his faint french accent "Here for spring break?" "What College do you go to?" "Where are you all from?"and the whole time he makes direct contact... taking the time to actually hear us.

 It was a little intimidating. 

           So of course we tell him the answers to which he says... Oh you are Christian? (Learning we go to a christian school) now I am not one to throw that word around... and for the most part I cringe when people ask that question, because usually that comes with a highly derogatory statement or eye roll. Here is where he begins to throw us: 

Oh I am Jewish. Do you hate Jews?

         To which we hastily answer we love Jews! Crazy Steve then begins to relax and go through the preliminary questions stopping and actually conversing with each of us. In our group we had 3 ministry minded  majors and he seemed to get a kick out of that! His questions were genuine and he began to really question them about their life, their motives, and their goals. Then he moved on asking questions to Francie and Jessie. It was amazing, it was like he knew exactly what to say to encourage us and push us. Finally after the intense discussion about religion, he stopped at me. 

And what is your major sweetheart?

         Now my major is definitely not anywhere near theirs. I don't want to build an orphanage, I haven't found my life calling in some distant land, and I can't preach sooooo..... I smiled politely and simply said "I am the rebel of the group...I am an English major". Now refer back to the top of this blog and you will understand my thoughts on how this conversation would have went. Too bad Crazy Steve had a different plan. 

Favorite 3 Authors GO!

         Please try to imagine my surprise..." ummmm.....ehhhhh.... well Austen... definitely Austen,  I love her! along with the Bronte Sisters! Maybe add some Dickens," He smiled and got excited began telling me I have to go to England...I have to experience life.To understand my Calling, I have to stand where they stood. Now this man doesn't have to tell me this... It is what I have always wanted. As he spoke to me his excitement for my life seemed to make me feel something I haven't felt in a while. Like someone believed in me. Someone supported me. 

Masters?

         I want too. I laughed at this, thinking of money and life make me cringe but he kept telling me how IMPERATIVE it is go. you will never feel whole until you have went Sweetheart. Go to England, Study there... Get out! the fact that he seemed to speak the thoughts that I try so hard to conceal because it isn't rational, important brought out the most amazing sense of adventure. that I really could do it. there was more he said.. more he went on to say but this was what I kept close. 

       as we left I told him I will never forget those words... He will always be the man that gave me the courage to speak life into my dreams. He smiled and said that was what he was here for. 

You know... I believe it. Crazy Steve spoke life to me.

   

Lobsters, candy apples, bricks, flames, strawberrys... let's just say red.

Red... as in my whole body. 

Red... as in sunburnt..

Red... as in not the brightest crayon in the box... just the reddest one... hahahahahha

    That did crack me up. Not even gonna lie. So this is my last spring break: Meaning this is my last chance to do something amazing, awesome, absolutely insane, something I have never done. Well.... the something I have never done is peel and boy do I think that is gonna happen. But that is okay, this is what I get for trying to beat an Indian at their own game... 

 Now Francie Burgess is my roomie... she is also Indian, who lives on the beach. Not the best person to get into a "letsseewhostannerhhhaaaahahha" contest with this spring break.  and yet here I am, Defeated, in excruciating pain, and completely red from head to toe. The road to this tragedy is a sad slippery slope in which if I wouldn't have been greedy and actually went through the tanning process like I should have, I still would have lost but would have been happier and tanner. From a sad unfortunate soul, here are some tanning rules 

1. PUT SUNSCREEN ON! listen I know that you want to be tan.. I get it.. believe me, but atleast screen the sun a little bit... I'm not sure what the difference between sunscreen and sunblock is but if we are just going by the names, screen sounds like the ideal item... tan and yet golden not flamin.

2. WHEN YOU FEEL THE SUNBURN, GET OUT OF THE SUN!  pretty self explanatory... need an example.. look at my back!

3. WHEN YOU LAY OUT ALL DAY IT IS PROBABLY NOT SMART TO GET INTO THE TANNING BED. ughhh not my brightest moment but you have to understand. I have a bit of a stubborn side along with a competitive side soooooo I REALLY WANTED TO BEAT FRANCIE!

4. IF YOU DO GET INTO THE TANNING BED, IT IS PROBABLY NOT SMART TO PUT BABY OIL ON AGAIN. dumb.. dumber.. dumbest. 

5. DO NOT COMPETE WITH A BROWN PERSON IF YOU ARE A GOLDEN PERSON. keep your competitions inside the bonds of your skin color... lol more importantly... do not go into competition with anyone. 

yes this is my life...