Bad Boy Image

            Soooo.... I just finished watching "The Voice" and I have to say the things that run through my head during that show shouldn't ever be put on the internet. ;) especially about Adam Levine! OOOhhhh that man, he makes me grin, and I know that I am not the only one. Pretty much any girl I talk to says the same thing, in more words than one about the beauty of Team Adam, but the question is really why?

     Why is that small bodied, scruffy man with a high voice seem to make everyone woman's knees weak?

            With the help of his abundance of beautiful tattoos, I have come to the conclusion that it is this bad boy image that makes us sigh in contentment, giggle uncontrollably and all believe in conversion. The way that he swaggers in, doesn't take one look at poor Christina Auguilara's cleavage, and doesn't take no for an answer. he looks like he has no care in the world, and when he actually does turn his chair... that man gets what he wants.
          Now as a girl who usually isn't swayed by hardly any man who comes around, this man sends me into a bubbling mess that makes 13 year old girls look grown up! From what "He's Just Not That Into You" tells us, it is from the fact that our parent's told us that when boys are bad they actually like us. Young boys mean comments when we are young turn into  now offhand nonchalance seemingly turns us on.In my life, I am pretty sure that I still hold a hateful grudge against a certain burly man who went by the name of Bear...he also resembled one now come to think of it. .
                         What "Cosmo" tells us is we are just overcompensating for our self consciousness..I am pretty sure that Christina Auguilara doesn't have anything to be overcompensating for with her boobs hanging out, as she throws herself at that beautiful man....I mean let us just be real. She oozes sex appeal. Like maybe a little too much, like you know when you pour a slurpee and it comes out the top and you get really irritated because you can't clean it up fast enough so it runs down your hands and makes them really cold. yeaaaaahhh
                 Froid tell's us that we are obsessed with our father and the authority figures... ummm I think that is it because Half the time in Lit Theory I am doodling and dreading my Spanish class..begging God not to have him call on me.
                And yet honestly, I think that it is just the fact that not enough guys step up and actually become confident in themselves. That the only time we actually see them step up is during this dark, intimidating, devil may care attitude and it is something we are attracted to. It is hot. Just like Adam Levine.

Embrace your inner Disney, never know what you might find...

              So today, I decided to watch Mulan in honor of a poor unfortunate soul who has not been in tune with their inner Disney. Now as I sit here and relax, trying hard not to do Literary Theory in my head and analyze every situation, I don't fail butttt. Instead of deconstructing it or trying to genderize it, I begin to compare myself.

Do not laugh at what I am about to say.

      Now by no means am I fighting in a war, have a great lizard to give me wisdom or falling in love with my hot teacher, I do have a great Granny who at times reminds me of her own Grandmother. I also have  More so  I also feel that through this horrible teenage angst that seems to be corroding the whole movie there is this desire in me to be immeasurably hardcore and epic. Where is my chance to become like Mulan, Katniss, Tris, (I.E. Hunger Games and Divergent) to do something to change the world and be...what is the term...LEGIT? Obviously, this is a little exaggerated seeing as it is Disney and Fantasy buuutttt part of me relates to the heroine aspect of these stories. I want to do life myself and not have someone constantly SAVING me... I want to be strong, Independent, resourceful and better yet I want to be what I write about.  I don't want to write a character who is everything I want to be, I mean come on that is pathetic! I want to write about someone I can relate to, someone who everyone can relate to or aspire to be like.
         Part of us, doesn't want to be Cinderella who is taken care of by her Godmother, or Sleeping Beauty who has 3 fairies who do her bidding but we want to be Mulan, who fights, or even Belle who is brave. I mean for all of you who know me, can you see me sitting down and letting some one else do something for me? pshhhh noooooo thannnkkkk youuu.
GET ON MY LEVEL! to break it down... I want to be brave. 
         And the great thing about that is sometimes, its not about fighting and overcoming those crazy, impossible obstacles. Sometimes it's the small things like goingtogetyourcarfixedbyyourself.... or killingthebuginthebathroom!!! Now I am not ready to see a whale or have a pet snake.. that's outrageous but it is in the small things. I just hope that when my adventure comes I actually take it, or the opportunity arises I jump because that is what this is really about.
             Once again I realize that is romanticized and I am totally living in a fantasy but this is what we learn to want. Let's just be real, I can't even write a good blog daily and my last ones have been more rants than funny buuuutttt lol sometimes College life isn't as hilarious as we make it out to be... our stories are just accumulated over time :D It is fun though to sit and process my day through this, yes some of my stories are exaggerated.. but listen my life is exaggerated k?Welcome to my world. 

BAM

               So I have been in a bit of a pickle lately. My life has been crazy, as you can see, and in the past the way I deal with Crazy is usually with a good book, comfort food, and being alone. I don't know, I am a huge people person but when it gets really stressful I just need a get away. Now usually this means I find myself in the nearest Barnes and Noble, BAM,  and Immerse myself with the beautiful books. At this point sometimes even Target or Walmart. Since I was born (it feels like) I have been surrounded by books, From my ever wonderful granny who read to me the greats:

Briar Rabbit, 

The Hobbit, LOTR

All the classics.

          To my Aunt Laura, who provided a million and one books in her house, they literally surrounded my room and to my horror today, most where cliche horse books such as

Thoroughbred

Heartland

Saddle Club

Pine Hollow

       To my Aunt Cheryl, who worked in the library and lovingly kept me up to date with my "cool" books. So many Countless ones. And last but not least, My mother who supplied my need for books, mostly because I owed every library in the tri-region over 30 dollars for lost books and I now had to buy from the bookstore. There is only so much your aunt can do before you just get banned from the library. 

      Sooooooo... back to my story about the pickle... I have been in a funk where I don't want to read. Now for me to say that is like saying Gandhi wanted to kill people and the Kardashian's don't believe tanning beds.

NOT POSSIBLE 

      It has been since Christmas, It was like my world stopped and I was alone. Narcisistically It felt like every good book had been consumed by me and I would never again find a book that I would love. Yes, I was being a little over dramatic buuuutttt lets just be real, I was a walking zombie who didn't care for anything. I would pick up a book and barely look at it. I questioned my life, I became this moody depressed kid who ate all the chocolate and sat watching Desperate Housewives with Megan. it was pathetic.

          Till my friend gave me a book, "Such A Pretty Girl" ( you should all read it!) I became obsessed, stayed up till 5 reading it. -Not a pretty sight, curled up with my lamp, pacing the house at 3, eating all the chips in the house and getting them all over my bed, finally waking up with crumbs and the book plastered to my face in the morning... not my best or brightest morning. and now I am back, unfortunately that means I have been in BAM all day curled up in their extremely uncomfortable chairs reading "Divergent" and drinking tea. Yes, I am that girl that you awkwardly pass by when trying to buy a calender. inside she feels like she looks nonchalant and kinda hipster, on the outside she looks like one of those Star Wars Freaks or even Worse Harry Potter fans.( bahahahahaha its okay I am one of them and I will let you decide which) Combined with being a College kid and no money, I have to drive myself to this bookstore and read there because I can't make that 15 dollar purchase. It hurts. 

               Needless to say, with me being out of my "Pickle" my roomies and me have been my happier and I feel completely whole again... 

       

Superhero-dragracer-peacecorps-the circus

               So today was an interesting day... ( like most of them) in which I skipped my first class and hung out with Professor Deborde instead. Now this was definitely not the brightest idea, or the smartest and less bright was to tell her I skipped my class to do this. there was some yelling, some very high angst and a question that made me stop and really think.
         First off, let us rewind to the end of Deborde's morning and the start of mine. Me, arriving at the tale end of  her class to bring her TA and my happy friend "Kristen" breakfast. Sneaking into what was last year her biggest class, now looking like a small group, seemed to take a toll on her today. Obviously speaking this aspect wasn't the smartest thing to do. and yet there I went into which she proceeded to tell me how many people skipped that day, how no one did their assignment right, and lalalalala. Obviously now is not the time to tell her I didn't read for my class today, or that I am skipping my other to catch up. Not my brightest moment.
        Between being reprimanded pretty heavily, being called a party girl, and her turning her ferocity on me, she asked me a question that seemed to stick with me all today. what do you want to do with your life?
ughhhhhh I HATE THAT QUESTION! 
               what makes things worse is I don't have an answer...Nope I have no idea, I have a 3.0 which means its not that high for a position in a grad school... (thank you for telling me that Deborde..) and obviously now is not a good time to ask her to write my letter of recommendation. Am I the only one with this mentality? the only one who skips classes, doesn't always have her work done on time? doesn't make straight A's???? I mean I am curious, I always thought I was just like everyone else I just voiced what others didn't but today I wasn't so sure...
         And let's be honest, I don't always skip class, to be fair this is my second skip of the semester. I always seem to pass by, and I make it every semester but does anyone else do that? Do I really seem to take the lead on being the awful student? Now to be fair to Deborde, no one wants to hear these shenanigans from a student, and yes I could do wayyyy better, and maybe have a "set" goal in what I want to do with my life, but that is what college is for,

STAYING UP WAAAAYYYY TOOO LATE...

drinking way to much coffee... 

sneaking off campus for taco bell

watching the sunrise from Starbucks

becoming friends with your teachers

random road trips to the beach

random road trips anywhere

learning to take really good notes for the guy next to you so he can return the favor when you want to skip

playing hooky to do something totally random and awesome

making friends 

being real

figuring out who you are. 

        This is what I seemed to have picked up in college. Once again, probably not anything that you are supposed to but this is our last hoorah at being kids, we are stuck between being teenagers and adults and sometimes you have to live. This is by no means degrading what she said to me... I needed to hear it, and soon I need to decide what to do with my life whether it be a teacher, a superhero, join the peacecorps, or last but not least... the circus.

Tamar

i stand before you with your items

defiant,shaking in my shoes, and unrelenting

are these yours i ask?

From everything that you have tried to take from me, 

tried. 

Once again

are these yours?

In your eyes, my second chance was cursed by me.

But it was not a second chance at all, just a measly spill of milk, of honey, of promise. 

i didn't deserve this. 

All i wanted was a future and yet you declined it so momentarily. 

and yet in one moment I gained it back.

So i ask again, are these your items??

I never meant to lie, to cheat the system but you left me no choice. 

it was this or die and I chose the high road.

The one where I dressed up my shame

put on my best brokenness 

and slipped out of my dignity

and you so readily took these from me. 

So I ask one more time are these your items?

The Finer Things in Life

            This week has been pretty uneventful, I mean compared to the ones I have been having lol, nothing has really stood out that made me feel like the whole world should hear. Obviously, that is why I write these blogs bahahaha. Today I introduced a poor unfortunate soul to the finer things of life in college. If anyone has any knowledge of me, this could range from a whole number of things, many of which I would rather people not share but, today I did my civic duty to the world and introduced this girl to Tea Largo and the most amazing thing ever: skipping class. 

       Now listen, Do not be judging me on my past times, and Professor Kirk if you are reading this, yes that was your class.1st: I am truly in remorse for my actions and yet I did hear from a small birdy that you called me out in your class. 2nd: I will not call out the poor unfortunate soul that skipped class with me... that will go to my grave :D. To everyone else, it was quite magical and it made me nostalgic of my past skip days lol so here is a  brief history of my ever skip days from birth to now:

1. The first ever skip day that I remember is when I figured out that if I had more than three bug bites in the same vicinity I could claim chickenpox and go spend time with my granny and watch little mermaid 1093r8343084x times and bake cookies. Bahahaha my poor mother, by like the third time I yelled chickenpox, she told me if I really had it the nurse could send me home...

2. Anytime that Caleb was sick...that was my excuse... Which resulted in a whole bunch of paper view movies, me attempting to cook, and lot of Gatorade. then mom coming home irate that the house was a mess and Caleb no where near better and still in PJ's. 

2. High school years... that was just a pile of skip days, lets just be real. lets all put them together and say skip life between Kristen Hurst, Melody Rubio, Brandie Marlenee, Tracy Blue, Jessica Williams and me having cars, boys, tans, emergency cry fests, spontaneous movie nights, we never went to school. I am pretty sure Mr. Hancock (My principle) called and informed me "rather curtly" that I would not be graduating if I skipped one more class period. 

3. Freshman year: Charice Spencer, Stephanie Kurtis... need I say more? umm Ferris Buelers day off, pouring down rain, running to the store for snacks and not moving from the back room the whole day. OR Sex with Mom and Dad on MTV.com because we couldn't watch MTV in the dorm room!!!! OR our many shopping sprees in which we would totally try and not let Steph by sweats with palm trees on them. 

4. Sophomore Year: Beth Telg and Sunnee oh dear lord... shopping all the time! me and Beth went to the mall at least once a week! 

5. Junior Year: Hello Katie Waddell... contrary to popular belief, the influence of our many excursions and tea largo moments! ooohhh Brit Lit!! We never went, I don't exactly know how I passed the class.. 

6. Senior Year: passing down those memories lol... 

Just reading this, I promise I am not a bad person. Just letting people know how great skipping can be... 

p.s. Kids don't try this at home.

Better than Disney World

          What an amazing weekend so far... I don't think I can begin to describe it... OMG!
So first up Friday Night My friends Ngoih and Katie went on a mini road-trip to Orlando to see the most amazing band ever...THE CIVIL WARS!!! Be jealous, Be very jealous.
               Let me just say, it was like Christmas. I don't even really understand what came over me and ngoih because obviously Katie was just fine but, we were like 10 year old kids who just got a pony. At one point, Ngoih was sinking in her seat repeating over and over "I cant take it, I just cant take it." and obviously, I wasn't much better, screaming the whole time, making guttural sounds that kind of resembled a whale dying and I am pretty sure at one point I might have cried.
                                                        no judgement.
        OK so let me fill you in, I had never actually been to a concert, I mean Rebecca St. James when you were like 7 doesn't really count... no offense Rebecca. Ngoih was obviously in the same boat, while Katie was this experienced cool kid who had been to every single concert imaginable. Ngoih and I were inconsolable, to say the least; if one of us was not squealing, we were grasping each other tightly with the light of the sun in our eyes...yes I just said that. I am telling you; Christmas or Disney could not have been this magical.  The seats were amazing... we were like 8 rows from the front, and though that does seem far I am pretty sure me and John Paul White made a connection.

 LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. Obviously.

     I don't think I stopped shaking the whole time. You know those 14 year old girls who go nuts over JB (Justin Bieber)??? I Became Those Girls... I screamed the songs, I jumped up and down, I practically drooled at the sight of this amazing duo. It was so funny because she is sooooo quirky and goofy! She danced around John Paul, singing waving her hands like a tree and the chemistry between those two was epic. there are no words to describe them.. He just stared at her, rolling his eyes, and casually making sarcastic comments while they flirted on stage. I was sooo jealous, but in a good way, you know like when youseeacutecouplethatweremeanttobeandyourlikeomgiwanttobethem????

It ended so suddenly that I was sooo sad... just like Christmas. bahahaha you know what I am talking bout, crawling into bed on Christams night and being like wait wait wait... I was just in here.. but anyways, it was magical and here are some links to the amazingness that I experienced 

http://youtu.be/MZhIm-XtZIk

http://youtu.be/3AR5rJ_-dN0

http://youtu.be/N70OQhgHQWU

Death in a handbasket

Obviously, today was not my day... 

obviously, this week has not been my week...

 and obviously, this has not been my month. 

                       I firmly believe that it is all due Spanish. Yes, I said it; my car breaking down, my awful bruise, my Dora mix up, my phone turning off, all the usual awkward moments of my life, and everything that I can't remember right now can all be contributed to: Spanish. I mean lets go ahead and blame anything bad that has ever happened in my life. All 37 of my dogs getting eaten by alligators, All the animals that have casually committed suicide against my car, every time I was late to class, every time I fell asleep in class, every time the cows got out at 5 in the morning and my dad came and woke me up and I had to round them up before class while  showing up in sweatpants and mud in my hair. and you know what, lets go ahead and blame everything bad in the world on this one class: Spanish. oh you know, the starving children in Africa, the awful hipsters who don't wear deodorant, and the worst toddlers and tiaras. yeas toddlers and tiaras is defintely Spanish's fault.
                  So why today, rather than Tuesday you ask??? why do I simply hate Spanish and all that it entales? is it because the fact that my professor hates me?? no, I am absolutely certain he isn't the only professor. is it because I have no idea what we are talking bout? no,  because when do I ever??? Is it because of the fact that its almost 2 hours long every Tuesday and Thursday?? MAYBE... but honestly it is what happened today that really made me realize that I hate it and hate it with a fiery passion in my soul.
Professor: blah blah blah blah blah (in spanish)
Sam: *dozing off*
Professor Old: Sam what did I just say?
Sam: ummm.... 
oh it gets worse
Professor: blah blah blah blah (in spanish)
Sam: *looking out the window* 
Professor: Sam when is it okay to say Que and Qual?
Sam:* looks around the room to make sure its me hes talking to.*
Sam: ummm....
Sam: *looks through the book frantically.*
Sam: *hastily looks around the room for support.*
Classroom: *makes eye contact with Sam, trying to give her the right answer through psychic powers*
Sam:*does not have psychic powers, if she did she would not be put in this position for the 100th time*
Classroom: *pen drops*
Sam: well, one sounds like a quail??? one is a bird???
          Once again, this was not the right answer. Did this give him any hint to not call on me? After maybe the 7th time that this happened, did he maybe get the hint that I wasn't the one to call on this week? Maybe that I didn't have it this week?
Professor: Sam, being an english major and all...noun or verb...
Sam: *Now counting how much money i have in my bank account*
so here I have a 50/50 shot at atleast knowing something...
Sam: *confidently* Verb
Professor: um...
Sam: noun?
Professor: adjective
......
this is my life... all the time in there... believe me...
It does not help that our class has dwindled to about 11 people from its 30 last semester... meaning I am his favorite to embarrass and call on all the time. Normally that is okay with me... but in this class I would totally love to lay low and never be picked on ever. ever. ever. ever.
 it's a hard knock life...
good news
CIVIL WARS CONCERT TOMORROW AND SUPERBOWL PARTY SUNDAY
fun blogs this weekend!!!